New years resolution ACCOMPLISHED!

Thats right folks! Idid it! I ran a 10k which actually ended up being a 6.61 mile race rather than the traditional 6.2 mile race. It was hard and sooo worth it! There was a mile long section of it that was up hill at a rather steep incline, not as steep as the on-ranp of the Bay Bridge run but definitely as steep as the bridge itself if not worse. It was a killer for my knee but my knee brace did its job and I really didnt have too much knee pain on the up hill parts it was when we had to turn around and go back down that hill that was a bit ouchy! Though I did come down MUCH faster then I went up! haha! I wasnt able to take my camera and I just had the 2 girls I ran with take pic with their phones so no pic but youll just have to take my word for it!
This was the first race that I got a medal for running. Its just a finisher medal but its a FREAKING MEDAL! It is so cute its s pink butter fly with 2011 written in purple and has Iron Girl underneath it on a silver rectangle. Ill take a pic and post it some day though I found out that to get a finishing medal in my age group ill have to shave off 20 min off my run! haha the 3rd place girl in my age group came in at 47 min! how does that happen? The last 2 miles were a B****. Thats when the arthritis in my knees started acting up and my body said ummm youre done running. But my stubbornness kept saying you wont stop running till you cross the finish line it was quite entertaining for onlookers im sure some crazy woman shaking her head and grunting at herself haha! I had to pee so bad the entire time so when the race ended rather than go get my medal I made a dash for the potty yelling at people to get out of my way to the toilet. I got there and sat down and didnt have to pee! haha! Just my luck right! Well thats about it! Now to recover my knee fully and start working on my half marathon training! :) Wish me luck!

LONG time no blog!

Wow it's been a long time! So much has happened and I don't even know where to start.
Josh came home July 1st. I won first kiss so he got to be the first one off the ship which was so much fun and an awesome once in a life time experience that I will probably never forget! I we took the picture and We are going to blow it up and put it in black and white and hang it above our bed. I'm so excited to get it done. One of these days Ill get my butt down to Wal-mart to get it done. We got to be on the news, almost every news channel in San Diego had us on it, we were interviewed by 2 different channels and they were on there too! I was a star for like 10 min! 

 After Josh got back we took a trip up to Utah which ended up coming a week sooner than we thought it would be because Josh's cousin Ryan died and we needed to be there for the funeral. That was a $1000 week. Because short notice flights are super expencive and I got a ticket!  We had a lot of fun. We got to have babysitters for out anniversary so we enjoyed cheep movies and a meal with out children! 
 While I was in Utah and Josh was in SD working he called me to let me know he is no longer going to apply for the Officer program, instead he is going to get out early if he can! It was a bit of a change and we are in the process of applying for getting out 11 months early. So we can take advantage of the bad housing market and low interest rates. If things work out we will be back in February. Fingers crossed!
  A week ago I sprained my knee and the week before that Teagan was sick with high fevers so I wasn't able to run for 2 weeks, I went running today and Made it about a mile before the knee started to ach so I thought hey I better stop so I don't injure it further and now its wrapped iced and elevated. I have a 5k that I want to be able to do next week its a POW/MIA run and I have been looking forward to it. But that one is a small thing compared to the 2 10k's that I am doing in October and November. I really really have to be ready by November. I'm doing my own 10k in October assuming my knee cooperates with me. Ill just clock the distance around the neighborhood and go for it. The one in November is called iron girl and I have to pay for that one and I'll do that one if it kills me. Given the current condition of my knee Id say its a good possibility! 
  Hayden is potty training ....AGAIN.... but this time he is doing well, he has gone 3 weeks or so and has only had a handful of accidents that are getting more and more rare which is AWESOME! I would save like $100 a month if I didn't have to buy diapers for him (or pull-ups) I think I'm going to move him into underwear tomorrow! He only has poop accidents anymore and hasn't had one in a long time. Fingers crossed it works! I have him signed up for  tiny tots, he is on the waiting list and so we are just waiting for them to call! 
 Hayden is getting ready to start therapy for his speech and we are looking forward to his progress with that! 
 Teagan is turning 1 in a few days. I cant believe how fast that year came and went! She is getting so big! Life is never boring in this fairy tale we call life!

The week after Bay Bridge.

This week I took Monday off and did the usual. but I bumped my run up to 4.25 miles And I stepped it up about 2 notches at Zumba! Really boring week really..... hmmmm

Bay Bridge Run!!

This week was weird. Josh was home for Monday and Tuesday, the days I usually run. Wed I did TBW and this week we had a substitute and this lady walked in and announced that she was on a mission! I am here to tell you shes a homicidal maniack when it comes to working out! Yes she has a perfect body but I think she was trying to make us look like her in the 50 min we were there! Thursday I did 4 miles in the morning and Zumba that evening. Friday I took off all together so I would have fresh legs for the race on Sunday. Sunday was the race! I got there at 7 the race started at 8 and I finished in 41:09! I was so excited to see my time. I had crossed the line at 45:35 but my time chip said 41 since there was 10,000 people there it took 4 min to get from where i was across the start line! ya 10,000 people! It was insane! There was a flood of people covering the whole bridge and the road leading up to it and after it!  Runners walkers even people in wheel chairs! It was awesome they had a different band at every mile marker, a Meriacci  band, the Navy Brass Band and the Navy Rock band  it was so fun to listen to them while we were running!  We took the Ferry home it was fun over all and I didnt stop running! While I was doing the steepest part of the run ( 12-13 degree incline) I had this moment where I looked over my shoulder and I could have sworn I saw my dad running with me. Then I heard his voice in my head telling me that I can do it and to not give up. That he was right there with me So I  cried really hard which made the run even harder but it was an amazing experience that I dont think Ill ever forget!

Twas the week before....

Twas the week before the Bay Bridge Run and Missy was scared she has run and run but still doesnt feel prepaired. shes done the running the lifting the training and such. And yet the thought of running the race makes turns her stomach to mush?  Ok Ok im not poet! But this week I did run 4 miles once... I was so tired on Tuesday I didnt even go to the gym at all, Wed. was a killer for my arms, and Thursday was Zumba..... again! Friday I ran about 2.67 miles and my boobs made my chest and shoulder cramp so I had to slow down and jog up hill for 115 feet at a 8.0 but..... I only can run tuesday next week and Im hoping it will be enough! No new weight loss just the same. though I did start having a normal breakfast rather than a slim fast in the morning to help with cramping. Other than that just nervous for next Sunday!

Another week gone!

This week was funky.... I did the whole 3.75 mile thing on Monday. I only made it 2.65  on Tuesday. I dont know why but for some reason I couldnt make myself go any further. I almost threw up while I was running! I was sooooo upset at myself. Wednesday was good I did TBW again with Lisa and it was a laugh! The lady is bound and determined to make me learn how to exercise while  on one foot and twisting and all kinds of stuff. I need new shoes because my foot cramps with the one footed things and in Zumba! Speaking of which, I did That Thursday again only I got really in to it and was flipping sweat all over the people around me! Friday I had to change diapers so I had to do my run broken up. But I lost another pound so I cant complain too much! next week is 4 miles!

Run Missy, Run!

This week was awesome! And by awesome I mean painful!
 Monday I ran, Tuesday I ran, Wednesday, I did TBW alone cuz all my girls bailed out on me and I know why! The lady did all new stuff and I was sore for 4 days! ouch! I did Zumba on thursday and it was painful, She decided to have us do Zumba Toning and so we did the workout but with weights this time! ..... ouch!
 I was too sore to move on Friday so I didnt go to the gym but I did do 6 hrs at the zoo on thursday so it counts. I also lost 2 pounds this week and Im THRILLED! My runs were at 3.75 and will be this week also! TTY then!

Week 8!

Wow can you believe its been 8 weeks? I cant and I can! I feel like I live at the gym and that Im there all day everyday and at the same time I feel like I should be there more?!  This week I did 3.5 miles again on Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. The runs were pretty good Im finding that Tuesday runs are the hardest ones to do, I dont know if its because I ran the day before or if I just suck on Tuesdays? Oh well Ill get better eventually! Wednesdays are Total body workout, this week we had a substitute and she had something to prove to someone or something because she tried to kill us!!!!! I worked muscles I had no clue I could work and in ways I had no idea you could work them! It felt great the next day but oh man it was hard! Thursdays are my favorite even though I feel lazy all day, Thursday nights is ZUMBA!!!!! I love Zumba and I havent decided if its because of the actual class or because of the people I go to it with?! I go to TBW and Zumba with the same 3 girls and we have so much fun! We end up laughing at each other and everything the whole time and we really just have fun! But I love Zumba I love the workout and I call it my "easy day" because I sweat the least but it is the workout I look forward to the most! I lost one pound this week, not a whole lot but enough to say I lost something! lol! only 12 pounds to go. I still have 11 weeks  to lose it and Im starting to think it might not happen but hey half a pound a week is still better than gaining half a pound a week! But it sucks none the less! Well until next week! hopefully with a 2 pound weight loss? fingers crossed!

7 weeks down 12 to go!

Well this week was so much fun! The more I work out the more I love it! I am loving my new schedule also! I run Mon. Tues. and Fri. Wed. is Total body work out which is for the most part hell! It is always different and it involves the step, weights, resistance bands, lots and lots of squats and lunges, and it hurts from the second she says ok are you ready?! Then Thurs. night is Zumba!!! I love that class. probably because of the people who I go with, they are the same as who I do TBW with and we end up dancing hard and laughing even harder! I havent lost any weight in 2 weeks but I have decided that I am going to quit worrying about what is on the scale and more focus on who well im doing physically and how my clothes are fitting and who great I feel! This week I did 3and a half miles and its amazing how much easier running is getting! I have started eating half a banana on my way to the gym and I cramp much less and if I take Aleve with my morning pills then the pain in my knees isnt so bad! But all in all a good week for the gym! Looking forward to next week!

What a week!

So this week was fun. Again I did the 3.25 miles 3 times with the fun weights and half a mile cool down but this week I did the cool down at a 1.0 incline. Then on Thursday I did Zumba, always fun and a good calorie burn. and today I did Sports drills. Its a class from hell! I thought I was going to die the whole time! It was so intense! But I'm off for the weekend. I dont know just how much weight I lost but I know I lost at least one pound. Ill weigh in on Sunday. Fingers crossed for an extra pound because then I will have lost 10 since Josh left! I doubt  It but hey heres hoping!  I hope things go the way I want but they never do!  My goal was 20 by the time Josh gets home. So since by the end of this month Ill be half way maybe Ill be able to do even more! That would rock!

This week!

This week was awesome! I did 3.25 miles on the tread mill then did weights and stretching. It was awesome though I have found that the first mile and a half are the hardest and that my knee starts hurting at about 2.75. My ankle starts hurting at 3 miles and breathing is the key to long distances! I lost 2 pounds this week. putting me with in 9 pounds of what I weighed when I got married! woot! Next week I'm doing the same thing and the week after is 3.5 miles unless I get bored or really good at the 3.25! lol like that would happen! I'm hoping to pick up some speed this week because I only have an hour and a half to work out so I only have so much time to do weights if I want to be able to stretch afterwards so I have to get faster or I will run out of time for weights too! But I burn about 450 calories just with the run so Im good! Till next week!

I hate skinny people!

I hate skinny people! OK so I dont really hate them I'm just so jealous! It is so not fair that there are some people that can eat whatever they want, only work out when they want, and have rock hard bodies. When I have to work my ass off everyday at the flippin gym, sometimes twice a day, to try to lose a pound a week. And some times I dont even get the one pound!!!!!

I was at the gym today and I have seen the same lady "working out" on the treadmill. she might weigh 10 pounds if that. And she is tiny tiny tiny. I asked her if she eats fast food, she does! How are some people so lucky?! And why is it that I have to work so hard? I love food, I love to eat food. Sure I like salad and fruits and veggies but I love to snack of food that is salty, sweet, bread, crunchy.... I like to snack on junk, I LOVE FRENCH FRIES! I have been torturing myself by not eating out almost at all in hopes that it would help, did it? NO! I have been stuck at the same weight for almost 2 weeks! The last time I hit this weight I got stuck here. I was running less and eating less healthy than I am now and I wasnt nursing (burns up to 500 calories a day) you would think this time would be different? All I know is that if I dont break past my wall this week Im going to Jack in the box. Super sizing my order, And having an extra large ice cream!

Why in the world do we have to be thin? Back in the day it was attractive to be fat and pale. Why did society have to decide that we should kill our selves to be thin? And why do we as women have to be so competitive with each other? That sucks!

Do skinny people worry about eating cheeseburgers? I have always been over weight so I wouldnt know what it would be like not to be in the situation where I can eat what I want when I want it! Do skinny people feel bad for fat people like it was a disability or something? Because if you think about it, obesity really is more like a disability than a symptom. And its fetal so it could be considered an optional fetal disease that is taking over the world?! Man if I were Josh I would run with this but since Im not I will let it die with the question.

I hope one day I can feel comfortable in my own skin, that I can be confident in my clothes and that I will one day be happy with they way I look. Chances are that will never happen because I am never happy with the way I look. And when I reach the goals I set Im content for about 2 weeks then Im back to the same old, I gotta be better thing!

6 weeks?! I think I'm losing track of time!

Ok. Well the last 2 weeks have been crap. The kids and I were sick for a little over a week, then, My family came in for a week. Yes I did go to the gym once and ran a 3k but still I didn't get to the gym as much as I probably should have. So its no surprise that I have stopped losing weight for 2 weeks. But I din't GAIN so I guess thats ok.

I did really well in the 5k I did it in 30 min and 3 seconds. I really wanted to finish under 30 min but I guess shaving 2 min off my old time was good enough. So we are off to a good start this week. I did 3.25 miles this morning and will do that much for this week and next well see what happens!

week 4?! well ish

This week is easy. I did 2.5 miles on Monday and Tuesday and have been to sick to work out the rest of the week so thats it! Im hoping next week ill be able to get back in to the groove though Ill still be a week behind. oh well better late than never ( who am I kidding I'd rather not show up if im going to be late!) Ill just have to work that much harder!

3 weeks down!

So this week was an awesome week! I worked really hard and it payed off! I lost 2 pounds! I only have 2 pounds of baby weight left! Unfortunately, I really wanted to have all of it off by my birthday but it looks like ill be just shy of that goal.

This week I did 2 miles. then weights then ran half a mile as fast as I could for a cool down. I ran on Mon. Wed. Thurs. and Friday. In addition to the running and weights on Thursday I also did a Zumba class! Those classes kick my butt! All in all it was a good week! As far as eating I did really well until sat. which was a really bad day. and I had fast food twice! still better than I do normally!

Next week is 2 and a half miles. I'm trying to decide if I want to go 5 days a week or if I should just do the 4 days but 5 times or if I want to do 5 days with only 1 work out each day with no zumba?! I don't know running on Friday is so much harder than the other days because my body is torn up from that class so I think my run would benefit but I guess I can try it this week and see if I like it?!

Also on an unrelated note. I have a possibility of 2 formal parties/ balls in a literal sense of the word and I have to make sure I can find a dress that I look FANTASTIC in and that I can wear with my body being so awkward. no pressure but plenty of motivation to keep going and to work that much harder every week!

My 19 week journey.

I have the opertunity to transform my body once again. I have 19 weeks.

The last time Josh left I lost 75 pounds! I was so excited and I had never felt better in my life! I started at 225 pounds and ended at 150. When I lost the weight it opened up an whole new world for me, I was able to do things I never thought I would be able to do. I ran 3 5k races and set my life long goal of one day running the Boston Marathon. So since I'm me I am never happy with the way I look, I have always had self esteem issues and I thought losing the weight before would help but it did for about 2 weeks! So now Im attempting to lose 20 pounds in almost 20 weeks and Im really hoping that I can not only lose the needed weight to be in the normal BMI range but also to get my self image under control. So I have gone through and did a week by week workout scheduel and now I get to do it and see what happens! The kicker here is that I'm still nursing my 5 month old so I cant really diet hard core I can only eat healthier food and make the gym do the rest!

So my plan is or has been to steadily increase my distance week by week. I have a 5k on St pattys day and Im working towards that one. Then I have a 4 mile run over the Coronado bridge in 11 weeks. Then teh next great thing is Josh coming home and doing the homecoming ball and maybe the Navy ball! Which I must look amazing for! So I have Things to work towards along the way to keep me motivated!

I go to the gym 4 days a week and on Thursdays I go twice! I run and lift weights most days but on Thursdays I also do Zumba for the extra calorie burn! I also have been cutting WAY down on my fast food intake I have only been out to eat 3 times in 2 weeks which is amazing for me since we used to go out 5 plus times a week! Im also trying to cook better food! But ya. So I figure Ill up date how im doing every week so I feel like I have someone I have to report to every week.

So this last 2 weeks I only lost 1 pound but its better than nothing! I feel like I live at that gym and I havent missed a day which is a great thing I suppose!

I did a lot of weight lifting that I normaly dont do and it was intense. I have also realized that I have no upper body strength left after this last kid! So im really working hard on my arms I went and bought some 8 pound weights. And I do sit ups at night and do the weights. So since Im a pound behind this next week I'm really hoping that I can make up for it. Though Ill admit that I am afraid to be too sore because I still have to be able to move enough to take care of my kids! So until next week......

Picture is my very first before picture. By my birthday next year if not sooner I want to be able to say that I lost 100 pounds!

Oh and Jess if your reading this Im going to need you to help me find a dress!

I love my husband!

I know it sounds cheesy but its true! I have the best husband ever!

No Josh didnt tell me to write this I am doing it because I have been reminded over and over again that I am truly blessed to have the most perfect husband for me!

I often find myself in awe and not the good kind when I see or hear about how different couples interact! I am a independent person. I am stubborn and dont baby people ( as much as I should). And since Im so "weird" I expect certain things from Josh that evidently other husbands just dont do, refuse to do or are not expected by their wives to do?! I dont wake up with him to make breakfast for him, hes a big boy! I dont dish up his plate, unless hes busy and then I do it but if he ever expected me to do it id drop something hot in his lap. He packs his own bags, hes not allowed to spend money with out telling me about it, and if I dont want to have sex he doesnt get any!

I know I know im a horrible person! But that works for our relationship!

Josh gets me! He understands that I am suborn, impatient, self conscious, and grumpy! He has no problem letting me control everything, he lets me be right, he absolutely adores everything about me( which is so weird) and he tells me that all the time. He is so patient. He is a FANTASTIC Dad. He helps me with the kids, sometimes more than I do, even after along day at work because he wants to help me. He has this amazing way of making me feel completely safe and secure when ever hes around. He can calm me down no matter how upset I am. He has the most calming voice and warm hands ( dont know why thats calming but it is) and he is a really good person. I dont know of many who dont like him because he tries so hard to get everyone to like him and to make sure he doesnt offend anyone!

I love Josh and I miss him so much. Home just isnt the same with out the whole family in the same state!

Potty Training!

I have just about had enough! I have a wonderful smart little boy who loves water! Evidently smart and love of water is a really bad thing!

He is so smart! I love him so much. But, This kid is going to kill me before we get him potty trained! He went the first part of the day with no accidents, he went so long with no accidents and He even POOPED in the potty! I was so proud and I told him he did a great job and rewarded him as we have been with 1 candy for the urine and 2 for the poop. And it all went down hill after that! he had 3 accidents, peed on my stairs and flooded 2 bathrooms and shoved a towel so far down the toilet I had to use a lot of force to get the stupid thing out!

I know he knows how to do it and the only reason Im having a hard time is because of the toilet play and the fact that the neighbor boy was potty trained in 3 days and hes only 2 and a half! where as Hayden is 3..... sigh... And I know he is capable of doing it. ..... sigh

Potty Training is really really hard!

Life in California!

We are FINALLY in California!

I dont think I have ever had so much on my mind and not enough time to get a blog up!

Ill start with California! We are now living in San Diego. It is BEAUTIFUL here! And so not what I expected to see! There are green hills and your ears pop when ever you drive anywhere! It is so different from Virginia. The weather has been awesome esp since its January! We go to the park almost everyday and I go for a walk everyday and the community is awesome and so pretty! The parks are clean and well kept! The humidity is next to nothing! Hayden loves it here! I love our house though Im fairly certain Ill lose all the weight I want because of all my stairs! We have CARPET! Though not as easy to clean so much easier on the feet and I can set Teagan down ANYWHERE! The rooms are huge and we have more bathrooms then we will ever use ( we have one locked shut) The wal-mart and Target still arent up to par with Utah but I dont think Ill ever find stores like what you find there! The ward seams nice though we have 9am church AGAIN we are going on 3 years of 9 am church! I hate waking up early on my weekends! Josh says the people at the DET are really nice and that he will fit in well with them His Chief is highly motivated and so I think it will give Josh the experience he needs to really stand out through out his career. We have less than half the commute to family some are even as close as 2 and a half hours away! And we have a 2 car garage! I love my garage!

Potty training!

We are potty training Hayden.... again..... Heaven help me! I have decided that this time I cant give up. No matter how hard he tries to make me! and trust me hes trying! ( to make me give up that is) He does really well when hes naked. the only accidents he has is about 50% of the time he poops where he stands. But he doesnt have normal poop its always runny so I cant expect him to make it to the toilet when I know adults who sometimes dont make it when they have the squirts! But if you put a pull up on him about 40% of the time hell stay dry the rest he thinks hes free to go in it! I dont know why?? I dont know why he does it for the life of me I dont know?! And then theres the playing in the toilet! Oh the toilet!!! :( I love my son but I might kill him! If im not right there to empty his potty as soon as hes done going hell take the pee and dump it in the toilet. great! good for him! but then he fills up the potty with the toilet water and DUMPS IT ON HIS HEAD!!!! almost every frickin time!!!!! I dont know why??? The worst part is that I KNOW he knows how to go potty when he needs to I KNOW he knows when to go. HE KNOWS HE JUST WONT DO IT! But Im not giving up! I really want to enroll him in preschool this year ( when he turns 3) and he has to be potty trained to do so! ........ My will is stronger than my 2 year olds, My will is stronger than my 2 year olds, My willl......

Teagan!

Teagan is so cute! She is a great eater, she loves to cuddle, and has the biggest smiles! She is getting so big so fast and I love watching her grow and I love watching Hayden with her. He loves her so much and she loves to watch him be goofy! My only complaint is that she loves to cuddle! to the extent that I dont ever get anything done because she wants to be held all day everyday and she wont sleep though the night unless shes in my bed! I kid you not. If I put her in her bed at night less than 30 min later she wakes up and wants to be fed and cuddled so I comply. I get her to sleep and back up my 14 stairs to my room lay down and 2 min later shes screaming at the top of her lungs! so for now, she sleeps on my chest Im working with her during the day to put her down more when shes happy so shes not being held when she doesnt absolutely have to be! But she is now almost 4 months weighs 13 pounds and is 24 inches long and her facial expressions could melt anyones heart!

Baby weight

Im doing much better than I did with Hayden, I have about 6 pounds left and they just want to stay around, but I think they might be my milk because all my pre pregnancy clothes fit including my size 8 skinny jeans! I almost cried the day I found out they fit! Im trying to stay healthy and cook more and I make sure I at least walk a mile a day I usually try to go on 2 walks or a walk and a run or some thing everyday. well see how it goes. With our tax return we are going to get a tread mill so I can run while Josh is gone! My new years goal is to run a 10k by the end of this year! If I can do more great but my goal is 10k next year a half marathon and the next year a full marathon and to do the Boston marathon before Im 30!

Josh

Ahhh, where to begin with him?! Right now hes underway with a ship I dont know the name of! we found out he was going a few days ago, hes gone till Friday!

Josh was informed on Wednesday that he was being enrolled in FEP which is basically fat camp for sailors. I know I almost died laughing when he told me at first too! So back in VA he was told they were doing a practice PFA (personal fitness assessment) so no one really tried all that hard and Josh was one of those, he did fine on his push ups and sit ups but he didnt pass the run, but they put it down as he had 15 seconds to spare. A few months later we found out that rather than doing a real PFA they were just going to take the score from their practice ones and count those.... Josh wasnt happy! So it wasnt so bad because he passed and it was all good. We get here and his Chief informs him that their command holds their sailors to a higher standard and that he needed to do the run 30 seconds faster minimum! Which meant he really needed a min off his real time! haha! so since he didnt fail but he didnt pass to their standards he was as of now to report to FEP every day at 530 am until April when they take their next PFA where if he doesnt pass it will go on his record! But on Wednesdays he has to go in at 0600 to PT with the ship. so most of the ship works out once a week Josh does it 5 days! There are like 9 people in the class and only some of them show up every time , But since Josh is the honest person he is hes exhausted everyday! Hes gets up at 0430 so he can be there on time and he passes out at 10pm! (breath) So then we find out that Josh is to leave for Mississippi on Haydens Birthday :( the only way he can stay for it is if he gets into a class his Chief wants him to get into then he would leave around the 17th Which would be awesome but Im not holding my breath! Also because people are stupid and mess up on his orders.... again.... we are getting BAH ( basic housing allowence) ( yes I know it should be bha but its not) for VA rather than CA which is HUGE DIFFERENCE! by like 1000! And we arent getting COLA ( cost of living) which is an allwence to make up for the cost of living depending on your zip code, but we arent getting it because they goofed and I have to go to the housing office an pay them every pay check and they are lowering the BAH for VA so I have to go in and get them to lower our rent! oh well Ill get it done! I just wish people could get their heads out of their rears! AND the moving company broke one of my high value items so I have to file a claim but im having issues with the web site and I keep calling the stupid company for help and I do what they say but things arent working and I think its on purpose. but so help me heaven they will pay for what they broke. They broke a part of my nativity set that is hand crafted out of bone china and is engraved with 24k gold. It is a one of a kind set and is awesome not to mention the fact that I got it from my dad when he died!!! GRRRRR! They will pay!!!!

Im really getting nervous for Josh to leave, Im going to miss him a lot. Hes only supposed to be gone for 5 months but He says to expect closer to 7-9 which will really suck! and with my luck he will be gone 11 like last time! I hope not because I hate that he doesnt get to see his children grow up, he missed so much with Hayden and now hes going to miss even more with Teagan. Hes going to miss the crawling, walking , the first words, first almost everything! He is so family oriented and hes not going to be home almost at all for the next 2 years! which are the biggest years of his kids lives! I really try hard to be strong and not show how much it hurts to watch him leave and to know hes leaving us again because I know it hurts him to see my hurt. But sometimes my "attempt to be strong" comes across as being cold and unfeeling. I know that this is what we were supposed to do because so much has happened for us that couldnt any other way. But it is so much harder than I thought it would be. Its hard to fall in love with your best friend and to start a family with him and then have him gone for almost half your marriage! ( which it will be) There are days I just want to give up and cry and beg him not to go, to stay this time and be with us but I know I cant and I know it would only make things worse on him. I Worry about him and his safety, especially in this crazy world.

Well its past my bed time and I have to get up early. sorry such a sudden stop but my eyes are getting blurry! Until next time!